Wow, this was a real close thing. We were trying to make a call about who gets to be the Minister For Women in my cabinet. We have so many talented guys in the running for this. Incredibly talented. It was so close to being Darth Vader. So close. He knows more about abusing women […]Read more "Announcing the galactic Minister For Women"
With the Clone Wars concluded I’ve had several Senators, you know the usual troublemakers, asking me if this means we’ll stop construction of the Death Star. The Death Star is a strategic weapon designed to make the conventional warfare we suffered and endured during the Clone Wars obsolete. Building this thing was a huge […]Read more "Yes, we are still building the Death Star!"
So some well wishers have been asking after Darth Vader after hearing reports previously about the attack on him by Jedi terrorist Obi Wan Kenobi. I know, we all have a soft spot for the big guy, and I’m just so pleased to say that he’s doing really great. In fact, he’s already back to […]Read more "Fighting media lies"
We’re barely 24 hours into this new administration, and oh boy has it been tough! The Jedi menace hasn’t gone away, we’ve seen further assassination attempts on both myself and Darth Vader. Be on the lookout for the following Jedi – Master Yoda and Master Obi Wan Kenobi. These are wanted fanatics. Report to […]Read more "Enduring a shameful attack on Day One"
At last we can move on from this absolute catastrophe and look towards a prosperous galaxyRead more "Inauguration Day – An end to Galactic carnage!"