I have to admit, I’ve spent so much time focusing on getting the Galaxy back into shape, in my quest for ultimate control of the Galaxy, I’ve been putting you guys ahead of my own needs.
Sure, I’m supreme overlord of the Galaxy, and you all live and die at the slightest whim from me. But something has felt like it’s been missing.
Then today I interrupted a meeting with my Chief Strategist Tarkin and a couple of Senators. Yes, there were a couple of the usual troublemakers, and hello who’s this?
There was a vibe. Absolutely a vibe. I gave her my best smile, and silence just seemed to fall in the room.
We just so connected. Big time.
Her name is Mon Mothma. Weird name, but then we Sith don’t really have much room for comment as my old boss Darth Plagueis once said. And the less said about Darth Pestulus the better.
She gave me a smile – ah yes, and my heart just went pitter-patter! Then she explained she was here to talk about a campaign in the Senate called “alien lives matter”.
I replied to her that “of course they do”, but got a bit of a glare from Tarkin for going off script there. “Absolutely alien lives matter … just not as much as humans”.
I told her about how the battle against the Separatists had been mainly fought by humans, and it was time to put humans first again, but she didn’t really seem to listen properly. I’m going to have to ask Darth Vader for some advice about women – he told me how he and Padme made out when he told her about how he’d slaughtered a colony of Tuskan Raiders. “She seemed totally turned on by it”, he told me once, “then I started kissing her, it was like a magnet”.
“Tell me again how you slaughtered them like animals bae …” Words courtesy of Darth Vader.
With Valentine’s coming up, I think I’d better get my act together …