Well folks, some of my team are just so excited about the way we’re moving forward together. One galaxy, moving forward. Under my supreme rule. Just so exciting!
Anyway they’re just so stoked about what we’re doing, they sometimes can’t help running off at the mouth a bit. Case in point, my councellor Asajj Ventress was being cornered by warmongers over our recent ban on the Jedi religion. Some people just aren’t getting the memo – the Jedi are dangerous! See – I’ve had to tell you again?
Assaj Ventress – I know, I’ve asked her to dress more like a woman but she doesn’t listen. Y’know she’s never going to get a boyfriend dressed like that. I keep dropping hints that Vader’s single now. Picture from her website here.
Anyway, in her zeal to really get the message of why we need to keep the Jedi menace contained she mentioned about The Youngling Massacre. Everyone gets talking about this, and all of a sudden I’ve got Senator Organa on the comlink saying “there was no Youngling Massacre”.
Believe me, Asajj Ventress had some explaining to do to me as well. First off, let me assure you that the Youngling Massacre did happen. Why haven’t you heard about it? Well, we kept it classified folks, the details are just too awful.
It seems when their coup didn’t work out, the Jedi just revealed themselves to be the crazed doomsday cult I’d always suspected. They went back to their temple, and they just rounded up all their young students and slaughtered them all.
Darth Vader when he still had his poster boy looks leads the 501st in a valiant attempt to rescue the younglings from the Jedi doomsday cult.
My Vice President Darth Vader and the brave 501st valiantly battled their way into the temple, but the Jedi had already played out their suicide pact with their younglings. I’ve seen the pictures, death by lightsabre. Brutal. This is just a weapon of hate. Terrible.
Of course the media won’t listen. It doesn’t sell news does it? They’re just after an angle of “ooh, conspiracy theory”.
Did we keep it from you? Damn right, but only because it’s upsetting, and y’know we don’t want to upset you all. But as for the rest from the media, it’s all lies, you can trust me, I’m your supreme leader.