Jedi. How many times do I have to remind you of the danger they represent?

I’m feeling like I need to have to run some IQ tests on the general population.

I’ve said several times now.  Jedi – they’re dangerous.  Need I have to refresh your memory that they were behind a failed takeover and assassination attempt on both myself and my right hand man Darth Vader?

Let me just remind you, as it seems the message isn’t getting through,

  • Count Dooku, leader of the Separatists. Jedi.
  • Mace Windu, leader of the failed coup. Jedi.
  • Yoda, murderer of the galactic language and would be assassin.  Jedi.
  • Obi Wan Kenobi, would be assassin wanted for the murder of Padme Amidala. Jedi.


Do I need to keep going on?  This is why I issued Executive Order 66 for the restraint and resettlement of the Jedi order on the outer rim.  Far away from the galactic centre in Coruscant, where they can do little damage.  Meanwhile in the Empire, the Jedi religion is banned.  It’s a religion that breeds extremists folks.



Jedi Khat Mar at the Coruscant spaceport today.  Notice how he’s drawn his lightsaber whilst being asked by security personnel to follow instructions.  Completely unprovoked folks.  Thanks to the patriots who provided this dramatic image here folks.


Today though we’ve had all sorts of drama though.  Seems we missed a few Jedi, and this guy Jedi Khat Mar arrived today, terrifying locals.  He’s been away for a couple of weeks on a scouting mission looking for some Seperatist bases out towards the Hoth system.  Boy was he surprised to find that the Jedi conspiracy had been unmasked leaving yours truly in charge.

Security forces asked for him to comply with the terms of Order 66, and go quietly with them.  Y’know, this is galactic law, and those Stormtroopers are acting as keepers of the peace.  Those guys are doing the same job that the Jedi until recently bungled.  Is it too much to ask that people like Jedi Master Khat Mar show them the same respect we were supposed to show them?

Anyway it was too much to ask for.  Khat Mar was open carrying a lightsabre, again against the terms of Order 66, and he drew it completely without provocation.  The stand off went on for a couple of hours.

No huge surprise, Senator Bail Organa was there before too long, with the media close behind.  Trying to say it was an outrage what I was up to, the Jedi had “served” the Republic for a thousand years (his words, I think and many agree that “subverted” is a better word).

Bail thinks he’s acting in our interests, but there is only rule for one word of law here, and that belongs to the ordinary human in galaxy.  Ordinary people who speak through me, and have left me just millions of thanks in private.  I mean, you should see the stats on this website, I’m just getting billions of hits each day from thankful citizens who’re grateful for this window into what their government is doing to them.

I mean doing for them.

Bale Organa, the Senate, the Republic – they all failed to listen to the will of the people, despite being voted for them.  They were too thankful for any help from the Jedi, they failed to appreciate how subversive this religion of corruption and hatred is.

Just listen to the rules of this place “you need to give up all personal property” and yet they all fly around in shiny new starfighters.  “You need to renounce all forms of sex”, and yet new Jedi are being born all the time.  “We should separate children who become Jedi from their parents at a young age”.  All this spell CULT.  But everyone was too bewitched to call it what it was.


As for our friend Khat Mar and the stand off, I’ve just sent in my second-in-command Darth Vader to go in and negotiate with the Jedi.  That Vader’s a persuasive guy, I hear the Jedi g0t all choked up, and will be reunited with the rest of his order really soon!

Just remember folks, if you know of a Jedi lying low, we have a confidential number so we can get help for them.  We’re relocating them to be with other Jedi, and you’d be helping them to rest at peace with their friends rather than continue to be on the run forever!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s