Don’t stand in the way of progress on Kashyyyk

I get no more satisfaction in issuing another Executive Order than you do.  However as your unelected President and Emperor, it’s the responsibility of my administration to rescue us from the catastrophe of the recent Clone Wars.

And folks, the economy has just been so hammered during those years.  It’s an absolute disaster out there.

Which brings me to the Kashyyyk question.  It’s a lush, green, forest world, and just teeming with unexploited natural resources.  Oh boy.

There’s just one problem though – the Wookies call it home.  And man are they selfish.  I mean, just so selfish.  They won’t let us strip mine it for it’s natural resources, and they just delight in being obstructive to the needs of the Empire in the worst way.


Darth Vader – look into that face.  It’s a face that knows suffering and sacrifice.

This is so unfair.  I mean look at Darth Vader and myself.  Especially Vader.  Look him in the face – there is a guy who’s had to suffer to get to where he is.  How much has he lost – his wife, his son, his poster-boy looks?  We understand sacrifice, so don’t pretend we don’t.  It upsets me personally when people think that we don’t.



Wookies – they’re quite backwards.  They can’t even bother to learn to speak our language.

So we need the resources of Kashyyyk.  And make no bones about it, we’re going to get them.  The Wookies are getting in our way, so that’s got to end.

I’m sending some of our courageous Stormtroopers back to Kashyyyk to organise Wookie resettlement.  Those animals have been blessed with a paradise of a lush, green world, but refuse to exploit it economically because they’re just so lazy – this is a very backwards race.  They smell, just so bad.  So very bad.

I mean, they don’t even bother to learn to speak our language.  Why should humans visiting Kashyyyk have to afford the expense of a protocol droid because these savages can’t be bothered to learn the basics?

And to those saying maybe we should be teaching humans to understand the Wookie language?  Not on my watch!

Anyhow, we’ve found a place where they can learn a decent trade, it’s really going to be great for them.  They’re going to learn mining at the spice mines of Kessel.  I know I’m already getting some flack for this from humans who see it as favouritism for me to pick out this species and give them both training and a trade for life.  But you see, I’m not all bad.  Not at all.

So, y’know, don’t believe everything you read in the media.




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